Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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