I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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