Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
