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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
