She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
