Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
