True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
