Buhtt sex?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The cops high fived after they tackled you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
