..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
