If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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