His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize