I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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