I'm jealous of your bromance
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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