it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
