I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
