This is not my ceiling
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
