nut hugger
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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