Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
