My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
