She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
