I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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