she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
