You can't special order awesome
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
