someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
