Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pants are for mortals
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
