So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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