and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
