I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
