I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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