Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
