i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
