And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize