I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
