is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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