Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
