i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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