There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
