So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
