Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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