took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize