I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
