his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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