Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
