who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
