I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
