my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
