I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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