I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
