I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
