Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
