I'm so fucking centered right now
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
