Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize