Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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