Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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