I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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