you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
