I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
