And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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