who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
