NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
