i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
