She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
