In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I bet he comes in French.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
