Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hippo gnu deer
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
