You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
