So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
