I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
