he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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