he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
