I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
