I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
