Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
