I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
