somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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