You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Two words: blizzard sex
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
