Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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