i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
