So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
