it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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