I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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