I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
