Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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