My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
