I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
