Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
