I will die if light touches me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
