conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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